Overexposed X-Mon!
by Skyrocket
Summary: What do you get when you combine Pokemon and X-Men? Major silliness!


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Overexposed X-Mon!

This is just a silly idea that came to me one night when I was up WAY to late. Strap in, kids. We're going to get silly. BTW, please pardon the self-insertion.

(The camera focuses on what looks like the set of a QVC show. Suddenly, a guy wearing an outfit exactly like Ash Ketchum's pops up from behind the counter)

Skyrocket: Hello, everyone, and welcome to the X-Mon hour. Now I'm sure some of you out there are asking "Sky, what is an X-Mon?"

I'm glad you asked! You see, some weeks ago it occurred to me that comic fans will buy anything, and I mean ANYTHING, with mutants in it. Kids will buy, or will make their parents buy, anything having to do with Pokémon. At least until the next fad comes along. 

So by combining the two I've created a marking juggernaut, no pun intended, that's sure to make me rich beyond the dreams of Scrooge McDuck! (whispers to himself) I knew those Nabiki Tendo business seminars would pay off.

(Skyrocket reaches under the counter a pulls out a large yellow duck dressed in a green and yellow uniform with a bird design of its chest)

Skyrocket: Behold, mindless consumers! This is Psyphoenix, the first in my new line of X-mon.

Psyphoenix: Psy! Psy! Psyphoenix! 

Skyrocket: Yes, I know what you're thinking. "Hey, isn't Psyduck just about the most useless Pokémon ever?" Well, if you're talking about Psyduck, then yes. But this is Psyphoenix who is capable of much, much more.

Psyphoenix: Psy?

Skyrocket: (points off-screen) Look, Psyphoenix! A planet full of peaceful, asparagus-like aliens!

(Immediately Psyphoenix begins to glow. One flash of light later and the Pokémon is now wearing a red and yellow outfit)

Skyrocket: Amazing! Psyphoenix has evolved into Dark Psyphoenix!

Dark Psyphoenix: Dark! Psy! Psy! Dark Psyphoenix!

(Flames surround Dark Psyphoenix's body and the creature flies off screen.)

Skyrocket: Don't worry about him. He'll be back after he almost destroys all of reality a few times. Now let's move on to our next X-Mon.

(Skyrocket pulls out a Pokémon with a bald head and two red circles on its cheeks. It's also wearing a business suit and sitting in a wheelchair.)

Skyrocket: Now what would any group of mutants be without a leader to encourage them to blindly follow his dream? To fill that roll I crossed Professor Xavier with a Mr. Mime to create Mr. X! No relation to the late _X-Files_ character.

Mr. X: Mr. X! Mr. X! Mr. X! 

Skyrocket: Yes, yes, we know your name already. Now sit over there quietly and try not to turn into Onslaught.

(Skyrocket pushes Mr. X aside and pulls out a Pikachu wearing a yellow raincoat and pink Raybans)

Skyrocket: Next we have this little critter who is sure to charms its way into wallets--I mean, hearts across the world. I give you the Pikajubes!

Pikajubes: Pika! Pika!

Skyrocket: Okay, kid, show the yokels out there in Trailer Park Land what you can do!

(Pikajubes gives a quick thumbs up. The Pokémon then begins to course with energy that shoots off like fireworks. Skyrocket is forced to take refuge behind the counter.)

Pikajubes: PIKAJUBES!!

Skyrocket: Enough! Enough!!

(The Pikajubes powers down with a very satisfied grin on its face. Skyrocket, wearing rubber gloves, emerges from behind the counter and warily pushes Pikajubes next to Mr. X.)

Skyrocket: Lastly, we have an X-Mon that's not only sweet enough to give you cavities, but can also disembowel you 1.3 seconds! 

(Skyrocket pulls out a Jigglypuff wearing a yellow and blue uniform and mask. The Pokémon also has small fangs and a little cigar in its mouth.)

Skyrocket: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Wolverpuff!

Wolverpuff: Puff! Puff! Wolverpuff, bub! 

(Just then Dark Psyphoenix flies back in and lands on the counter next to the rest of the X-Mon.)

Skyrocket: Ah, you're back. Did you have a good time wiping out a few civilizations?

Dark Psyphoenix: Dark! Psy! Dark! Dark Psyphoenix!

Skyrocket (not really caring): I'll take that as a 'yes'. Anyway, there you have it, everyone. Aren't these little guys amazing? Our phonelines are now open and one or all of these X-Mon can be yours for only—

Female voice: Hold it right there!

(The camera pans to show us two teenagers, a boy and a girl, and cat Pokémon. The guy has lavender hair and the girl—Ah, heck. If you know anything about Pokémon I'm sure you can guess who this is.)

Jesse: To protect the world from devastation.

James: To unite all peoples within our nation.

Jesse To denounce the evils of truth and love.

James: To extend our reach to the stars above.

Jesse: Jesse!

James: James!

Jesse: Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!

James: Surrender now or prepare to fight!

Meowth: Meowth, that's right!

Skyrocket: What the?! Get off this set! You're ruining my chance to be rich!

Meowth: Those X-Mon are going to make someone rich, but it won't be you.

James (puzzled): Uh, then who will they be making rich?

(Meowth jumps up and claws James in the face.)

Meowth: Us, you dummy! Next time try and stay awake when we're planning a mission.

Jesse (brandishing her Pokéball): Enough talk! Hand over those X-Mon or we'll sic Arbok and Weezing on you!

Skyrocket: Oh, yeah? To me, my X-Mon! Show these guys how we handle Pokémon thieves around here!

(Wolverpuff and Pikajubes charge Team Rocket while Dark Psyphoenix levitates Mr. X and then follows. Off camera we can hear the sounds of the fight.) 

Pikajubes: Jubes! Pika! Pikajubes!

Mr. X: Mr. X! Mr. X!

Jesse: Stop that! You're ruining my make-up!

Dark Psyphoenix: Dark! Phoenix! Dark! Psy! Dark Psyphoenix!

Meowth: Argh! My tail!

Wolverpuff: Puff! Puff! Wolverpuff, bub!

James: Not the face! Not the face!

Wolverpuff: Wolverpuff, bub!

James: Hey, where did those claws come fr—OW! Not the crotch! Not the crotch!

Jesse: Let go off my hair!

Meowth: How can you do this to a fellow Pokémon!? 

Skyrocket (looking off camera and muttering): That'll teach 'em not to mess with my marketing gimmick. (Sky turns back to the audience) Well, everyone, that's all the time we have for today. Join us here at this time next week where we'll have more great X-Mon merchandise for you to throw your money away on. Until then, this is Skyrocket wishing you goodnight and safe driving.

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The End, bub. 


End file.
